Ipstenu's Livejournal

Where the JFO Webmaster pokes around

Ban Hammer enters the fray
[info]ipstenu

Back in the end of April, I started puttering around with a plugin I called Ban Hammer, which had the effect of blocking anyone who was on my comment blacklist from signing up on any of my blogs. By May, it was ready for public consumption and I put it on the WordPress site.

Yesterday I entered it in a plugin contest. Please go check out the Ban Hammer entry and, if it’s useful/cool to you, vote for me! Seeing who I’m up against, I don’t think I’ll win, but I’d like to see how far my little engine can go!

And yes, Ban Hammer’s mean to evoke a picture of Thor or some such creature with a hammer, smashing spammers in the head. I used the title once when coding a ‘ban’ feature on PernMUSH, many moons ago.

Mirrored from Ipstenu.Org.


Not Talking to Earthlings
[info]ipstenu

earthlink_logo Earthlink has seriously annoyed me.

On one of the sites I host, I saw someone post a complaint that they weren’t getting emails from the board. Now I get a lot of bounced email from that site, but it’s not their fault. Spammers like to sign up with fake emails and all those bounce. Every week I collect the repeat offenders and add them to my ban list, but I end up sending between 10 and 100 ‘bad’ email a week. It sucks, but there you are. Once in a while, the ’sources’ of those bad emails (gmail and yahoo and anything *.ru) block me, but when I explain what’s up, they unblock quickly. Gmail blocked and unblocked me within moments of each email. So, like the good webhost I am, I took a look and found out that, indeed, the emails were bouncing with this message:

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently: [person]@earthlink.net

Technical details of permanent failure:
PERM_FAILURE: SMTP Error (state 8): 550 550 Dynamic/zombied/spam IPs blocked. Write blockedbyearthlink@abuse.earthlink.net

Now I know I (ipstenu.org) am not a spammer, and I know my domain isn’t open so spammers can’t use me. But I also know that sometimes if you get a lot of automated emails, some ISPs get narky. I figured I’d email the blockedby account and get it cleared up. I should have known better.

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Uri Geller is a Fake
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I don’t usually post this, but I have some friends out there who are being fooled by this charlatan and I felt a little Randi in their day was needed. The Amazing Randi will show you how you too can practice the same magic as Uri “Fake” Geller.

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I’m not in shape for 20 miles
[info]ipstenu

lakeshorepath According to Google, if I drive home from work, it’s 14 miles. If I walk, the fastest route is 10 miles, though it goes through some seriously sketchy parts of town. You can’t actually get Google to admit that you can walk on the Lake Shore path, but if you fiddle around, you can fake it and determine it’s about 13-14 miles via bicycle to get home from the office.. When you add in the 3 miles I biked in the morning, and the ‘Crap, I’m lost’ mile or so when I took a wrong turn downtown, I ended up biking about 20 miles on Thursday. And my legs are still mad at me.

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Bicycle Commuting In …. Japan!
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Credit: Jason Collins

Credit: Jason Collins

No, I didn’t move. I started thinking about how commuting is perceived of in different places, and how there are some offices where it’s fine to come in a little sweaty, and others would fire you for walking in with shorts on. I work for a Very Large Bank (often called Goliath National Bank, which is only funny if you watch How I Met Your Mother), and while in my current building, it’s okay to come in and leave with capris and a tank-top on, I have to change into slacks and a blouse ASAP once I’m at the office. Jeans? Only on Fridays. If I worked at the downtown building, I’d have to come up with some way of begin less stinky when I got to work or find a place to change. I’m working on the former, with the addition of new bike gear that should be here in a week or so.

But what about Japan? If you’re not the crazy gaijin (hi, Dad!), you’re expected to fit in and wear the suit and tie at most corporate offices. And yet you’re also expected to bike to work, or take public transportation, and Japan gets very hot, folks. So how do they do it, and how can I take lessons learned from Japan’s commuter cyclists and apply them to my life?

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Japanese Construction Workers
[info]ipstenu

constructionworker-02 Just a year ago I went to Japan for the first time and was amazed. It was beautiful. Totally different than I had ever expected, but entirely worth the journey. I saw a lot of things I’d never seen before and attempted to take it all in with savoir-faire. One of the things I saw in Japan that weirded me out were the construction workers.

Yes, that’s right. Construction workers.

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No Bicycle Helmet Laws, Please
[info]ipstenu

helmetscience This comes as a shock to some people, seeing as you’ll never see me biking in a US city without my helmet, but I am not an advocate of helmet laws. Part of it is my Libertarian leanings that make me desire less laws out there, but part of it is science. If I get hit by a car, helmet or not, I’m in trouble, and the odds are it’s not my head that’s the problem. More likely I’m going to break my back, my neck, or my limbs if I get hit by a car. And by the way, the helmet’s really only effective if I hit the ground at 12mph.

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REI’s Bike Your Drive iPhone App Misses the Short Point
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rei-bike-01 Yesterday I had an experiment. REI has a promotion to Bike Your Drive, go green and so on and so forth. It also has an iPhone app that hooks you up with EveryTrail so you can record your bike routes and put them on the internet, logging your average speed, distance, calories burned, gas money saved, etc etc. Putting aside the creep factor of everyone knowing your commute, and the fact that the website interface is (and I apologize for saying this) Web 1.0, the real problem I had with the app is that it is near worthless for the short-distance commuter.

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Why is your bike so heavy?
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einstein-on-bike The second most common question I’ve been asked, since getting my bike, has been ‘Why is that teeny bike so heavy!?’ At 24 pounds and change, yes, my bicycle is a little heavy for it’s size, and it’s also fatter in some weird places compared to a ‘normal’ bike. It’s best to think of my bike as a ‘hybrid’ (half road, half mountain) since it’s tires are a little fatter than a road bike, but not as knobby as a mountain. When you look at an ‘adult’ bike, it’s about 40 to 50 pounds, which always made we wonder why people think mine’s heavy. Half the size, half the weight, and yes, at 25 pounds, you don’t enjoy lugging it up three flights of stairs every day, but there it is. But what does the weight really matter?

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Happy Father’s Day
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HappyFather

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Bike To Work Day 5: Take This Package Nowhere in Particular. Immediately!
[info]ipstenu

satellite_store_muu Is it just me or would these be the most awesome patio tables ever for a coffee shop? Pull up on your bike, someone comes out to bring you coffee, you pay, you drink, you bike away. Really, some days I wake up and think that if I could just ride my bike all day, stopping where I want to, and not having to deal with anything like cars, traffic or work. Sunday, I suppose, is the closest I get to that, when I take an hour or two to just ride up and down the channel trail.

But today is Friday, not Sunday, and the Mayor’s Bike to Work Rally calls to me. I’ve tromped on the pedals every day, Sunday through Friday, and my reward is coming in a touch late to work after hitting up the big rally downtown. I’ve never been before, so I spent most of Thursday a-quiver with antici-wait for it-pation.

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Bike to Work Day 4: Meet the Poster Children for Bike Helmets
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roseHibiscus Recently I found out my old helmet actually wasn’t protecting me from anything at all. It was $8 so I’m not really surprised. I replaced it with a bog standard, boring white Bell. Frankly, the Bell helmets bore me, and I don’t like how they make you feel like a tard if you want a ‘BMX/Skate’ helmet. I don’t like the traditional bike helmets! They look bad and they feel funny. If you’re not biking for speed (which I’m not), there’s no point. Had I known, at the time, about these things, I would have picked up a helmet from Nutcase, like the pictured ‘Rose Hibiscus.’

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Bike to Work Day 3: The Dressing Will Lube My Inner Thighs for the Next Long Ride
[info]ipstenu

buttr The title isn’t as gross as it seems. Then again, maybe it is. There’s this ‘butter’ stuff, and yes, it’s called Chamois BUTT’r. You can get to smear on your … butt … to relieve chaffing and butt-sores. The worst I’ve suffered is a little bootie tenderness (sitting on a new saddle will do that to you) and stiff muscles in the morning, but once I get going, I hardly notice. I had one instance of a Charley Horse from my seat post being too high, but with a massage it went away.

There’s a ton of similar products out there, but the one that really caught my attention was Anti-Monkey Butt Powder. Which I will gleefully accept as a gift from anyone who wants to be amusing.

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Bike to Work Day 2: Keep Practicing; You’ll Be a Psychic Yet
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Locked Up Rain. 30% chance predicted all day, every hour. In other words, the weather dudes have no idea what’s going to happen. I’ve been locking my bike up downstairs for a couple days now, and it seems to work okay. They’d have to get through the door and saw through the stair railing to get the bikes. I may devise a way to tuck them more under the stairwell and hide them, if someone moves into the first floor unit, but until then, only us and Jose on 2 uses that exit (the other 6 units have the back-back stairwell, we have the back-side one).

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Bike to Work Day 1: Guess Which One’s the Tortoise
[info]ipstenu

bikeandbag Sunday we went for a bike to my cousins (about 3 to 4 miles away, depending on route), went bowling, and then biked home. I call it prep. It only got up to about 74 on Sunday, which was just darling to bike in. My back got sweaty from my bag, but with the weather on set to be the same for Monday, I knew I was in good. And since I’d cleaned out the ground floor of all the crap left by the former first floor tenants (their condo is being foreclosed, I felt justified in trashing Playboys, junk mail and broken hairdryers), we had a handy place to lock up our bikes. That meant Monday morning, I tripped out the back door and headed off to work.

Bike to Work.

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Drop Dead Kafka
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divax-large “Drop Dead Diva” is a new show from Lifetime. The premise of the show is a vapid blond (Deb) dies, is deemed useless, and wins a second chance … as a smart, plus-size lawyer named Jane Bingum. Wackiness ensues.

Rick Berman, the producer, says “It’s a cross between Freaky Friday and Heaven Can Wait.” But the question posed on Twitter (by Margaret Cho as @dropdeaddivatv) was far more interesting to me.


  1. Drop Dead Diva
    DropDeadDivaTV What if you woke up and you were not you?

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Folding Bikes on the Metra
[info]ipstenu

bike_2 I’ve addressed this before, so I apologize for the repeat. The short version of this post is as follows: Yes, we can!

So to the jerk on the Metra today who snarled at me for taking up room and threatening to complain to the (newbie) conductor, bikes are permitted. I told him I was permitted, per the Metra website, provided my bike was in a bag (check) it was folding (check) and I wasn’t blocking the aisle or exit in use (check). He growled, a fellow commuter laughed, and he walked off.

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The 30% Rule of Bicycling
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Originally published at Ipstenu.Org. Please leave any comments there.

rain I’ve been told that novice bikers who don’t like to invest in all the gear for biking follow the 30% rule. That is, if the weather dude says there’s a 30% chance of rain, they don’t go. I personally follow the 50% rule, where if the weather says it’s higher than 50% chance of rain, OR if it’s raining when I get up, I don’t bike. To save myself, I pack a tiny rain-jacket in my bag at all times from April through about October. This was a requirement anyway, since I walk a lot and I hate umbrellas. My bag is waterproof so as long as it’s secured, my stuff stays dry and I only end up with damp pants.

Of course the weather today wasn’t rain, but a constant drizzly mist, like standing under the misters at the San Diego Wild Animal park (or that awesome place I ran into in Japan). So I was damp, but not unbearably so.

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How to Save The Economy
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Originally published at Ipstenu.Org. Please leave any comments there.

I have a nigh foolproof plan to save the world’s economy.

Legalize gay marriage worldwide

Look at it this way, Nevada is working on a gay marriage law. Now, as soon as Nevada legalizes gay marriage what happens to Las Vegas? Weddings. Lots and lots of weddings. And suddenly Las Vegas is out of that slump, making money, people traveling and visiting. Next door, Herr Gropenfuhrer (aka Arnold Schwarzenegger) will see a solution to California’s problems, and will get the courts to declare that the gay marriage ban is against the law (being an impediment to social liberties like ‘pursuit of happiness’) and the party will be back on.

All the officiators will get more money, the government will get their fees for name changes and what not, the caterers, DJs, bands, wedding planners, typesetters (invitations, yo), dress makers, tux renters and hotels will get more business. Soon they’ll have to hire on more help, like someone to re-do their website, or setup online ordering. Oh and don’t forget therapists who will need to console people. And attorneys (divorce will happen) get more money too. Suddenly people will move in together, buy houses, pets, cars …

Don’t you people see? Gay marriage will save the world!

So go support gay marriage today! You’ll be doing your part.


In Preparation for Bike to Work Week
[info]ipstenu

Originally published at Ipstenu.Org. Please leave any comments there.

haircuthero Bike to Work Week starts next Sunday (the 13th) in Chicago and I’m getting ready! I’ve been averaging a 3 day a week commute on the bike, held up by weather for the most part. And lawyer/retirement things that involve me NOT being a sweaty pig after work. But I’ve basically got the commute thing down pat.

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